The tall girls went out and returned presently, each bearing a tray, with portions of something,I knew not what, arranged thereon, and a pitcher of water and mug in the middle of each tray.The portions were handed round; those who liked took a draught of the water,the mug being common to all. When it came to my turn, I drank, for I was thirsty,but did not touch the food, excitement and fatigue rendering me incapable of eating: I now saw,however, that it was a thin oaten cake shared into fragments.
The meal over, prayers were read by Miss Miller, and the classes filed off, two and two, upstairs.Overpowered by this time with weariness, I scarcely noticed what sort of a place the bedroom was,except that, like the schoolroom, I saw it was very long.To-night I was to be Miss Miller’s bed-fellow; she helped me to undress:when laid down I glanced at the long rows of beds,each of which was quickly filled with two occupants;in ten minutes the single light was extinguished,and amidst silence and complete darkness I fell asleep.
The night passed rapidly: I was too tired even to dream;I only once awoke to hear the wind rave in furious gusts, and the rain fall in torrents,and to be sensible that Miss Miller had taken her place by my side. When I again unclosed my eyes,a loud bell was ringing; the girls were up and dressing; day had not yet begun to dawn,and a rushlight or two burned in the room. I too rose reluctantly; it was bitter cold,and I dressed as well as I could for shivering, and washed when there was a basin at liberty,which did not occur soon, as there was but one basin to six girls,on the stands down the middle of the room. Again the bell rang: all formed in file, two and two,and in that order descended the stairs and entered the cold and dimly lit schoolroom:here prayers were read by Miss Miller; afterwards she called out—
“Form classes!”
A great tumult succeeded for some minutes, during which Miss Miller repeatedly exclaimed, “Silence!” and “Order!” When it subsided, I saw them all drawn up in four semicircles, before four chairs,placed at the four tables; all held books in their hands, and a great book, like a Bible,lay on each table, before the vacant seat. A pause of some seconds succeeded, filled up by the low,vague hum of numbers; Miss Miller walked from class to class, hushing this indefinite sound.
A distant bell tinkled: immediately three ladies entered the room,each walked to a table and took her seat; Miss Miller assumed the fourth vacant chair,which was that nearest the door, and around which the smallest of the children were assembled:to this inferior class I was called, and placed at the bottom of it.
Business now began: the day’s Collect was repeated, then certain texts of Scripture were said,and to these succeeded a protracted reading of chapters in the Bible, which lasted an hour.By the time that exercise was terminated, day had fully dawned.The indefatigable bell now sounded for the fourth time:the classes were marshalled and marched into another room to breakfast:how glad I was to behold a prospect of getting something to eat!I was now nearly sick from inanition, having taken so little the day before.
The refectory was a great, low-ceiled, gloomy room;on two long tables smoked basins of something hot, which, however, to my dismay,sent forth an odour far from inviting. I saw a universal manifestation of discontent when the fumes of the repast met the nostrils of those destined to swallow it; from the van of the procession, the tall girls of the first class, rose the whispered words—
“Disgusting!The porridge is burnt again!”
“Silence!” ejaculated a voice; not that of Miss Miller, but one of the upper teachers,a little and dark personage, smartly dressed, but of somewhat morose aspect,who installed herself at the top of one table, while a more buxom lady presided at the other.I looked in vain for her I had first seen the night before; she was not visible:Miss Miller occupied the foot of the table where I sat, and a strange, foreign-looking,elderly lady, the French teacher, as I afterwards found,took the corresponding seat at the other board. A long grace was said and a hymn sung;then a servant brought in some tea for the teachers, and the meal began.
Ravenous, and now very faint, I devoured a spoonful or two of my portion without thinking of its taste;but the first edge of hunger blunted, I perceived I had got in hand a nauseous mess;burnt porridge is almost as bad as rotten potatoes; famine itself soon sickens over it.The spoons were moved slowly: I saw each girl taste her food and try to swallow it;but in most cases the effort was soon relinquished. Breakfast was over, and none had breakfasted.Thanks being returned for what we had not got, and a second hymn chanted,the refectory was evacuated for the schoolroom. I was one of the last to go out,and in passing the tables, I saw one teacher take a basin of the porridge and taste it;she looked at the others; all their countenances expressed displeasure, and one of them, the stout one, whispered—
“Abominable stuff!How shameful!”
A quarter of an hour passed before lessons again began,during which the schoolroom was in a glorious tumult;for that space of time it seemed to be permitted to talk loud and more freely,and they used their privilege. The whole conversation ran on the breakfast,which one and all abused roundly. Poor things!it was the sole consolation they had. Miss Miller was now the only teacher in the room:a group of great girls standing about her spoke with serious and sullen gestures.I heard the name of Mr. Brocklehurst pronounced by some lips;at which Miss Miller shook her head disapprovingly;but she made no great effort to check the general wrath; doubtless she shared in it.
A clock in the schoolroom struck nine; Miss Miller left her circle,and standing in the middle of the room, cried—
“Silence!To your seats!”
Discipline prevailed: in five minutes the confused throng was resolved into order,and comparative silence quelled the Babel clamour of tongues.The upper teachers now punctually resumed their posts: but still, all seemed to wait.Ranged on benches down the sides of the room, the eighty girls sat motionless and erect;a quaint assemblage they appeared, all with plain locks combed from their faces,not a curl visible; in brown dresses, made high and surrounded by a narrow tucker about the throat,with little pockets of holland (shaped something like a Highlander’s purse) tied in front of their frocks,and destined to serve the purpose of a work-bag: all, too,wearing woollen stockings and country-made shoes, fastened with brass buckles.Above twenty of those clad in this costume were full-grown girls, or rather young women;it suited them ill, and gave an air of oddity even to the prettiest.
I was still looking at them, and also at intervals examining the teachers—none of whom precisely pleased me;for the stout one was a little coarse, the dark one not a little fierce,the foreigner harsh and grotesque, and Miss Miller, poor thing!looked purple, weather-beaten, and over-worked—when, as my eye wandered from face to face,the whole school rose simultaneously, as if moved by a common spring.
What was the matter?I had heard no order given: I was puzzled. Ere I had gathered my wits,the classes were again seated: but as all eyes were now turned to one point,mine followed the general direction, and encountered the personage who had received me last night.She stood at the bottom of the long room, on the hearth; for there was a fire at each end;she surveyed the two rows of girls silently and gravely. Miss Miller approaching,seemed to ask her a question, and having received her answer, went back to her place, and said aloud—
“Monitor of the first class, fetch the globes!”
While the direction was being executed, the lady consulted moved slowly up the room.I suppose I have a considerable organ of veneration,for I retain yet the sense of admiring awe with which my eyes traced her steps. Seen now,in broad daylight, she looked tall, fair, and shapely;brown eyes with a benignant light in their irids, and a fine pencilling of long lashes round,relieved the whiteness of her large front; on each of her temples her hair, of a very dark brown,was clustered in round curls, according to the fashion of those times,when neither smooth bands nor long ringlets were in vogue; her dress, also in the mode of the day,was of purple cloth, relieved by a sort of Spanish trimming of black velvet;a gold watch (watches were not so common then as now) shone at her girdle. Let the reader add,to complete the picture, refined features; a complexion, if pale, clear;and a stately air and carriage, and he will have, at least, as clearly as words can give it,a correct idea of the exterior of Miss Temple—Maria Temple,as I afterwards saw the name written in a prayer-book intrusted to me to carry to church.
The superintendent of Lowood (for such was this lady) having taken her seat before a pair of globes placed on one of the tables,summoned the first class round her, and commenced giving a lesson on geography;the lower classes were called by the teachers: repetitions in history, grammar, &c.,went on for an hour; writing and arithmetic succeeded,and music lessons were given by Miss Temple to some of the elder girls.The duration of each lesson was measured by the clock, which at last struck twelve. The superintendent rose—
“I have a word to address to the pupils,” said she.
The tumult of cessation from lessons was already breaking forth, but it sank at her voice. She went on—
“You had this morning a breakfast which you could not eat; you must be hungry:—I have ordered that a lunch of bread and cheese shall be served to all.”
The teachers looked at her with a sort of surprise.
“It is to be done on my responsibility,” she added, in an explanatory tone to them,and immediately afterwards left the room.
The bread and cheese was presently brought in and distributed,to the high delight and refreshment of the whole school. The order was now given “To the garden!” Each put on a coarse straw bonnet, with strings of coloured calico, and a cloak of grey frieze.I was similarly equipped, and, following the stream, I made my way into the open air.
The garden was a wide inclosure, surrounded with walls so high as to exclude every glimpse of prospect;a covered verandah ran down one side, and broad walks bordered a middle space divided into scores of little beds:these beds were assigned as gardens for the pupils to cultivate, and each bed had an owner.When full of flowers they would doubtless look pretty; but now, at the latter end of January,all was wintry blight and brown decay. I shuddered as I stood and looked round me:it was an inclement day for outdoor exercise; not positively rainy,but darkened by a drizzling yellow fog;all under foot was still soaking wet with the floods of yesterday.The stronger among the girls ran about and engaged in active games,but sundry pale and thin ones herded together for shelter and warmth in the verandah;and amongst these, as the dense mist penetrated to their shivering frames,I heard frequently the sound of a hollow cough.
As yet I had spoken to no one, nor did anybody seem to take notice of me; I stood lonely enough:but to that feeling of isolation I was accustomed; it did not oppress me much.I leant against a pillar of the verandah, drew my grey mantle close about me, and,trying to forget the cold which nipped me without,and the unsatisfied hunger which gnawed me within,delivered myself up to the employment of watching and thinking.My reflections were too undefined and fragmentary to merit record: I hardly yet knew where I was;Gateshead and my past life seemed floated away to an immeasurable distance;the present was vague and strange, and of the future I could form no conjecture.I looked round the convent-like garden, and then up at the house—a large building,half of which seemed grey and old, the other half quite new. The new part,containing the schoolroom and dormitory, was lit by mullioned and latticed windows,which gave it a church-like aspect; a stone tablet over the door bore this inscription:—
LOWOOD INSTITUTION.
This portion was rebuilt A.D. ——, by Naomi Brocklehurst, of Brocklehurst Hall, in this county.
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works,and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”—St. Matt. v. 16.
I read these words over and over again: I felt that an explanation belonged to them,and was unable fully to penetrate their import.I was still pondering the signification of “Institution,” and endeavouring to make out a connection between the first words and the verse of Scripture,when the sound of a cough close behind me made me turn my head.I saw a girl sitting on a stone bench near; she was bent over a book,on the perusal of which she seemed intent:from where I stood I could see the title—it was “Rasselas;” a name that struck me as strange,and consequently attractive. In turning a leaf she happened to look up, and I said to her directly—
“Is your book interesting?” I had already formed the intention of asking her to lend it to me some day.
“I like it,” she answered, after a pause of a second or two, during which she examined me.
“What is it about?” I continued. I hardly know where I found the hardihood thus to open a conversation with a stranger;the step was contrary to my nature and habits:but I think her occupation touched a chord of sympathy somewhere; for I too liked reading,though of a frivolous and childish kind;I could not digest or comprehend the serious or substantial.
“You may look at it,” replied the girl, offering me the book.
I did so; a brief examination convinced me that the contents were less taking than the title:“Rasselas” looked dull to my trifling taste; I saw nothing about fairies, nothing about genii;no bright variety seemed spread over the closely-printed pages. I returned it to her;she received it quietly, and without saying anything she was about to relapse into her former studious mood: again I ventured to disturb her—
“Can you tell me what the writing on that stone over the door means?What is Lowood Institution?”
“This house where you are come to live.”
“And why do they call it Institution?Is it in any way different from other schools?”
“It is partly a charity-school: you and I, and all the rest of us, are charity-children.I suppose you are an orphan: are not either your father or your mother dead?”
“Both died before I can remember.”
“Well, all the girls here have lost either one or both parents,and this is called an institution for educating orphans.”
“Do we pay no money?Do they keep us for nothing?”
“We pay, or our friends pay, fifteen pounds a year for each.”
“Then why do they call us charity-children?”
“Because fifteen pounds is not enough for board and teaching,and the deficiency is supplied by subscription.”
“Who subscribes?”
“Different benevolent-minded ladies and gentlemen in this neighbourhood and in London.”
“Who was Naomi Brocklehurst?”
“The lady who built the new part of this house as that tablet records,and whose son overlooks and directs everything here.”
“Why?”
“Because he is treasurer and manager of the establishment.”
“Then this house does not belong to that tall lady who wears a watch,and who said we were to have some bread and cheese?”
“To Miss Temple?Oh, no!I wish it did: she has to answer to Mr. Brocklehurst for all she does. Mr.Brocklehurst buys all our food and all our clothes.”
“Does he live here?”
“No—two miles off, at a large hall.”
“Is he a good man?”
“He is a clergyman, and is said to do a great deal of good.”
“Did you say that tall lady was called Miss Temple?”
“Yes.”
“And what are the other teachers called?”
“The one with red cheeks is called Miss Smith; she attends to the work,and cuts out—for we make our own clothes, our frocks, and pelisses, and everything;the little one with black hair is Miss Scatcherd; she teaches history and grammar,and hears the second class repetitions; and the one who wears a shawl,and has a pocket-handkerchief tied to her side with a yellow ribband, is Madame Pierrot:she comes from Lisle, in France, and teaches French.”
“Do you like the teachers?”
“Well enough.”
“Do you like the little black one, and the Madame ——?—I cannot pronounce her name as you do.”
“Miss Scatcherd is hasty—you must take care not to offend her;Madame Pierrot is not a bad sort of person.”
“But Miss Temple is the best—isn’t she?”
“Miss Temple is very good and very clever; she is above the rest,because she knows far more than they do.”
“Have you been long here?”
“Two years.”
“Are you an orphan?”
“My mother is dead.”
“Are you happy here?”
“You ask rather too many questions. I have given you answers enough for the present: now I want to read.”
But at that moment the summons sounded for dinner; all re-entered the house.The odour which now filled the refectory was scarcely more appetising than that which had regaled our nostrils at breakfast:the dinner was served in two huge tin-plated vessels,whence rose a strong steam redolent of rancid fat.I found the mess to consist of indifferent potatoes and strange shreds of rusty meat,mixed and cooked together. Of this preparation a tolerably abundant plateful was apportioned to each pupil.I ate what I could, and wondered within myself whether every day’s fare would be like this.
After dinner, we immediately adjourned to the schoolroom: lessons recommenced, and were continued till five o’clock.
The only marked event of the afternoon was,that I saw the girl with whom I had conversed in the verandah dismissed in disgrace by Miss Scatcherd from a history class,and sent to stand in the middle of the large schoolroom.The punishment seemed to me in a high degree ignominious,especially for so great a girl—she looked thirteen or upwards.I expected she would show signs of great distress and shame;but to my surprise she neither wept nor blushed: composed, though grave, she stood,the central mark of all eyes. “How can she bear it so quietly—so firmly?” I asked of myself. “Were I in her place,it seems to me I should wish the earth to open and swallow me up.She looks as if she were thinking of something beyond her punishment—beyond her situation:of something not round her nor before her. I have heard of day-dreams—is she in a day-dream now?Her eyes are fixed on the floor, but I am sure they do not see it—her sight seems turned in,gone down into her heart: she is looking at what she can remember, I believe;not at what is really present. I wonder what sort of a girl she is—whether good or naughty.”
Soon after five P.M. we had another meal, consisting of a small mug of coffee,and half-a-slice of brown bread. I devoured my bread and drank my coffee with relish;but I should have been glad of as much more—I was still hungry.Half-an-hour’s recreation succeeded, then study; then the glass of water and the piece of oat-cake,prayers, and bed. Such was my first day at Lowood.
CHAPTER VI
The next day commenced as before, getting up and dressing by rushlight;but this morning we were obliged to dispense with the ceremony of washing;the water in the pitchers was frozen. A change had taken place in the weather the preceding evening,and a keen north-east wind, whistling through the crevices of our bedroom windows all night long,had made us shiver in our beds, and turned the contents of the ewers to ice.
Before the long hour and a half of prayers and Bible-reading was over,I felt ready to perish with cold. Breakfast-time came at last,and this morning the porridge was not burnt; the quality was eatable, the quantity small. How small my portion seemed!I wished it had been doubled.
In the course of the day I was enrolled a member of the fourth class,and regular tasks and occupations were assigned me: hitherto,I had only been a spectator of the proceedings at Lowood; I was now to become an actor therein.At first, being little accustomed to learn by heart,the lessons appeared to me both long and difficult; the frequent change from task to task, too,bewildered me; and I was glad when, about three o’clock in the afternoon,Miss Smith put into my hands a border of muslin two yards long, together with needle, thimble, &c.,and sent me to sit in a quiet corner of the schoolroom, with directions to hem the same.At that hour most of the others were sewing likewise;but one class still stood round Miss Scatcherd’s chair reading, and as all was quiet,the subject of their lessons could be heard,together with the manner in which each girl acquitted herself,and the animadversions or commendations of Miss Scatcherd on the performance.It was English history: among the readers I observed my acquaintance of the verandah:at the commencement of the lesson, her place had been at the top of the class,but for some error of pronunciation, or some inattention to stops,she was suddenly sent to the very bottom. Even in that obscure position,Miss Scatcherd continued to make her an object of constant notice:she was continually addressing to her such phrases as the following:—
“Burns” (such it seems was her name: the girls here were all called by their surnames,as boys are elsewhere), “Burns, you are standing on the side of your shoe;turn your toes out immediately.” “Burns, you poke your chin most unpleasantly; draw it in.” “Burns,I insist on your holding your head up; I will not have you before me in that attitude,” &c. &c.
A chapter having been read through twice, the books were closed and the girls examined.The lesson had comprised part of the reign of Charles I.,and there were sundry questions about tonnage and poundage and ship-money,which most of them appeared unable to answer; still,every little difficulty was solved instantly when it reached Burns:her memory seemed to have retained the substance of the whole lesson,and she was ready with answers on every point.I kept expecting that Miss Scatcherd would praise her attention; but, instead of that, she suddenly cried out—
“You dirty, disagreeable girl!you have never cleaned your nails this morning!”
Burns made no answer: I wondered at her silence.
“Why,” thought I, “does she not explain that she could neither clean her nails nor wash her face, as the water was frozen?”
My attention was now called off by Miss Smith desiring me to hold a skein of thread:while she was winding it, she talked to me from time to time,asking whether I had ever been at school before, whether I could mark, stitch, knit, &c.;till she dismissed me, I could not pursue my observations on Miss Scatcherd’s movements.When I returned to my seat, that lady was just delivering an order of which I did not catch the import;but Burns immediately left the class, and going into the small inner room where the books were kept,returned in half a minute, carrying in her hand a bundle of twigs tied together at one end.This ominous tool she presented to Miss Scatcherd with a respectful curtesy; then she quietly,and without being told, unloosed her pinafore,and the teacher instantly and sharply inflicted on her neck a dozen strokes with the bunch of twigs.Not a tear rose to Burns’ eye; and, while I paused from my sewing,because my fingers quivered at this spectacle with a sentiment of unavailing and impotent anger,not a feature of her pensive face altered its ordinary expression.
“Hardened girl!” exclaimed Miss Scatcherd; “nothing can correct you of your slatternly habits: carry the rod away.”
Burns obeyed: I looked at her narrowly as she emerged from the book-closet;she was just putting back her handkerchief into her pocket,and the trace of a tear glistened on her thin cheek.
The play-hour in the evening I thought the pleasantest fraction of the day at Lowood:the bit of bread, the draught of coffee swallowed at five o’clock had revived vitality,if it had not satisfied hunger: the long restraint of the day was slackened;the schoolroom felt warmer than in the morning—its fires being allowed to burn a little more brightly,to supply, in some measure, the place of candles, not yet introduced: the ruddy gloaming,the licensed uproar, the confusion of many voices gave one a welcome sense of liberty.
On the evening of the day on which I had seen Miss Scatcherd flog her pupil, Burns,I wandered as usual among the forms and tables and laughing groups without a companion,yet not feeling lonely: when I passed the windows, I now and then lifted a blind, and looked out;it snowed fast, a drift was already forming against the lower panes;putting my ear close to the window, I could distinguish from the gleeful tumult within,the disconsolate moan of the wind outside.
Probably, if I had lately left a good home and kind parents,this would have been the hour when I should most keenly have regretted the separation;that wind would then have saddened my heart; this obscure chaos would have disturbed my peace!as it was, I derived from both a strange excitement, and reckless and feverish,I wished the wind to howl more wildly, the gloom to deepen to darkness, and the confusion to rise to clamour.
Jumping over forms, and creeping under tables, I made my way to one of the fire-places; there,kneeling by the high wire fender, I found Burns, absorbed, silent,abstracted from all round her by the companionship of a book,which she read by the dim glare of the embers.
“Is it still ‘Rasselas’?” I asked, coming behind her.
“Yes,” she said, “and I have just finished it.”
And in five minutes more she shut it up. I was glad of this.
“Now,” thought I, “I can perhaps get her to talk.” I sat down by her on the floor.
“What is your name besides Burns?”
“Helen.”
“Do you come a long way from here?”
“I come from a place farther north, quite on the borders of Scotland.”
“Will you ever go back?”
“I hope so; but nobody can be sure of the future.”
“You must wish to leave Lowood?”
“No!why should I?I was sent to Lowood to get an education;and it would be of no use going away until I have attained that object.”
“But that teacher, Miss Scatcherd, is so cruel to you?”
“Cruel?Not at all!She is severe: she dislikes my faults.”
“And if I were in your place I should dislike her; I should resist her.If she struck me with that rod, I should get it from her hand; I should break it under her nose.”
“Probably you would do nothing of the sort: but if you did, Mr.Brocklehurst would expel you from the school; that would be a great grief to your relations.It is far better to endure patiently a smart which nobody feels but yourself,than to commit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you;and besides, the Bible bids us return good for evil.”
“But then it seems disgraceful to be flogged,and to be sent to stand in the middle of a room full of people; and you are such a great girl:I am far younger than you, and I could not bear it.”
“Yet it would be your duty to bear it, if you could not avoid it:it is weak and silly to say you _cannot bear_ what it is your fate to be required to bear.”
I heard her with wonder: I could not comprehend this doctrine of endurance;and still less could I understand or sympathise with the forbearance she expressed for her chastiser.Still I felt that Helen Burns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes.I suspected she might be right and I wrong; but I would not ponder the matter deeply; like Felix,I put it off to a more convenient season.
“You say you have faults, Helen: what are they?To me you seem very good.”
“Then learn from me, not to judge by appearances: I am, as Miss Scatcherd said, slatternly;I seldom put, and never keep, things in order; I am careless; I forget rules;I read when I should learn my lessons; I have no method; and sometimes I say, like you,I cannot _bear_ to be subjected to systematic arrangements.This is all very provoking to Miss Scatcherd, who is naturally neat, punctual, and particular.”
“And cross and cruel,” I added; but Helen Burns would not admit my addition: she kept silence.
“Is Miss Temple as severe to you as Miss Scatcherd?”
At the utterance of Miss Temple’s name, a soft smile flitted over her grave face.
“Miss Temple is full of goodness; it pains her to be severe to any one,even the worst in the school: she sees my errors, and tells me of them gently; and,if I do anything worthy of praise, she gives me my meed liberally.One strong proof of my wretchedly defective nature is, that even her expostulations, so mild,so rational, have not influence to cure me of my faults; and even her praise,though I value it most highly, cannot stimulate me to continued care and foresight.”
“That is curious,” said I, “it is so easy to be careful.”
“For _you_ I have no doubt it is. I observed you in your class this morning,and saw you were closely attentive: your thoughts never seemed to wander while Miss Miller explained the lesson and questioned you.Now, mine continually rove away; when I should be listening to Miss Scatcherd,and collecting all she says with assiduity, often I lose the very sound of her voice;I fall into a sort of dream. Sometimes I think I am in Northumberland,and that the noises I hear round me are the bubbling of a little brook which runs through Deepden,near our house;—then, when it comes to my turn to reply, I have to be awakened;and having heard nothing of what was read for listening to the visionary brook, I have no answer ready.”
“Yet how well you replied this afternoon.”