As this change stole on Annie,once like sunshine in the Doctor’s house,the Doctor became older in appearance, and more grave;but the sweetness of his temper,the placid kindness of his manner,and his benevolent solicitude for her,if they were capable of any increase, were increased.I saw him once, early on the morning of her birthday,when she came to sit in the window while we were at work (which she had always done, but now began to do with a timid and uncertain air that I thought very touching), take her forehead between his hands, kiss it, and go hurriedly away, too much moved to remain. I saw her stand where he had left her, like a statue; and then bend down her head, and clasp her hands, and weep, I cannot say how sorrowfully.
Sometimes, after that,I fancied that she tried to speak even to me,in intervals when we were left alone.But she never uttered a word.The Doctor always had some new project for her participating in amusements away from home, with her mother; and Mrs. Markleham, who was very fond of amusements, and very easily dissatisfied with anything else, entered into them with great good-will, and was loud in her commendations. But Annie, in a spiritless unhappy way, only went whither she was led, and seemed to have no care for anything.
I did not know what to think. Neither did my aunt;who must have walked, at various times,a hundred miles in her uncertainty.What was strangest of all was,that the only real relief which seemed to make its way into the secret region of this domestic unhappiness, made its way there in the person of Mr. Dick.
What his thoughts were on the subject,or what his observation was, I am as unable to explain,as I dare say he would have been to assist me in the task.But, as I have recorded in the narrative of my school days,his veneration for the Doctor was unbounded;and there is a subtlety of perception in real attachment,even when it is borne towards man by one of the lower animals,which leaves the highest intellect behind.To this mind of the heart, if I may call it so, in Mr.Dick, some bright ray of the truth shot straight.
He had proudly resumed his privilege,in many of his spare hours,of walking up and down the garden with the Doctor;as he had been accustomed to pace up and down The Doctor’s Walk at Canterbury.But matters were no sooner in this state,than he devoted all his spare time (and got up earlier to make it more) to these perambulations. If he had never been so happy as when the Doctor read that marvellous performance, the Dictionary, to him; he was now quite miserable unless the Doctor pulled it out of his pocket, and began. When the Doctor and I were engaged, he now fell into the custom of walking up and down with Mrs. Strong, and helping her to trim her favourite flowers, or weed the beds. I dare say he rarely spoke a dozen words in an hour: but his quiet interest, and his wistful face, found immediate response in both their breasts; each knew that the other liked him, and that he loved both; and he became what no one else could be--a link between them.
When I think of him, with his impenetrably wise face,walking up and down with the Doctor,delighted to be battered by the hard words in the Dictionary;when I think of him carrying huge watering-pots after Annie;kneeling down, in very paws of gloves,at patient microscopic work among the little leaves;expressing as no philosopher could have expressed,in everything he did,a delicate desire to be her friend; showering sympathy,trustfulness, and affection,out of every hole in the watering-pot;when I think of him never wandering in that better mind of his to which unhappiness addressed itself, never bringing the unfortunate King Charles into the garden, never wavering in his grateful service, never diverted from his knowledge that there was something wrong, or from his wish to set it right--I really feel almost ashamed of having known that he was not quite in his wits, taking account of the utmost I have done with mine.
‘Nobody but myself, Trot, knows what that man is!’ my aunt would proudly remark,when we conversed about it.‘Dick will distinguish himself yet!’
I must refer to one other topic before I close this chapter.While the visit at the Doctor’s was still in progress,I observed that the postman brought two or three letters every morning for Uriah Heep, who remained at Highgate until the rest went back, it being a leisure time; and that these were always directed in a business-like manner by Mr. Micawber, who now assumed a round legal hand. I was glad to infer, from these slight premises, that Mr. Micawber was doing well; and consequently was much surprised to receive, about this time, the following letter from his amiable wife.
‘CANTERBURY, Monday Evening.
‘You will doubtless be surprised, my dear Mr.Copperfield, to receive this communication.Still more so, by its contents. Still more so,by the stipulation of implicit confidence which I beg to impose.But my feelings as a wife and mother require relief;and as I do not wish to consult my family (already obnoxious to the feelings of Mr. Micawber), I know no one of whom I can better ask advice than my friend and former lodger.
‘You may be aware, my dear Mr. Copperfield,that between myself and Mr.Micawber (whom I will never desert),there has always been preserved a spirit of mutual confidence.Mr. Micawber may have occasionally given a bill without consulting me,or he may have misled me as to the period when that obligation would become due. This has actually happened. But, in general, Mr. Micawber has had no secrets from the bosom of affection--I allude to his wife--and has invariably, on our retirement to rest, recalled the events of the day.
‘You will picture to yourself, my dear Mr. Copperfield,what the poignancy of my feelings must be,when I inform you that Mr.Micawber is entirely changed. He is reserved.He is secret. His life is a mystery to the partner of his joys and sorrows--I again allude to his wife--and if I should assure you that beyond knowing that it is passed from morning to night at the office, I now know less of it than I do of the man in the south, connected with whose mouth the thoughtless children repeat an idle tale respecting cold plum porridge, I should adopt a popular fallacy to express an actual fact.
‘But this is not all. Mr. Micawber is morose.He is severe. He is estranged from our eldest son and daughter,he has no pride in his twins,he looks with an eye of coldness even on the unoffending stranger who last became a member of our circle. The pecuniary means of meeting our expenses, kept down to the utmost farthing, are obtained from him with great difficulty, and even under fearful threats that he will Settle himself (the exact expression); and he inexorably refuses to give any explanation whatever of this distracting policy.
‘This is hard to bear. This is heart-breaking.If you will advise me,knowing my feeble powers such as they are,how you think it will be best to exert them in a dilemma so unwonted,you will add another friendly obligation to the many you have already rendered me. With loves from the children, and a smile from the happily-unconscious stranger, I remain, dear Mr. Copperfield,
‘Your afflicted, ‘EMMA MICAWBER.’
I did not feel justified in giving a wife of Mrs.Micawber’s experience any other recommendation,than that she should try to reclaim Mr.Micawber by patience and kindness (as I knew she would in any case);but the letter set me thinking about him very much.
CHAPTER 43. ANOTHER RETROSPECT
Once again, let me pause upon a memorable period of my life.Let me stand aside,to see the phantoms of those days go by me,accompanying the shadow of myself, in dim procession.