Poor Sibyl!What a romance it had all been!She had often mimicked death on the stage.Then Death himself had touched her and taken her with him.How had she played that dreadful last scene?Had she cursed him, as she died?No; she had died for love of him,and love would always be a sacrament to him now.She had atoned for everything by the sacrifice she had made of her life.He would not think any more of what she had made him go through,on that horrible night at the theatre.When he thought of her,it would be as a wonderful tragic figure sent on to the world’s stage to show the supreme reality of love. A wonderful tragic figure?Tears came to his eyes as he remembered her childlike look,and winsome fanciful ways, and shy tremulous grace.He brushed them away hastily and looked again at the picture.
He felt that the time had really come for making his choice.Or had his choice already been made?Yes, life had decided that for him—life,and his own infinite curiosity about life.Eternal youth, infinite passion,pleasures subtle and secret,wild joys and wilder sins—he was to have all these things.The portrait was to bear the burden of his shame: that was all.
A feeling of pain crept over him as he thought of the desecration that was in store for the fair face on the canvas. Once, in boyish mockery of Narcissus, he had kissed, or feigned to kiss, those painted lips that now smiled so cruelly at him. Morning after morning he had sat before the portrait wondering at its beauty, almost enamoured of it, as it seemed to him at times. Was it to alter now with every mood to which he yielded?Was it to become a monstrous and loathsome thing,to be hidden away in a locked room,to be shut out from the sunlight that had so often touched to brighter gold the waving wonder of its hair?The pity of it!the pity of it!
For a moment, he thought of praying that the horrible sympathy that existed between him and the picture might cease. It had changed in answer to a prayer; perhaps in answer to a prayer it might remain unchanged. And yet, who, that knew anything about life, would surrender the chance of remaining always young, however fantastic that chance might be, or with what fateful consequences it might be fraught?Besides, was it really under his control?Had it indeed been prayer that had produced the substitution?Might there not be some curious scientific reason for it all?If thought could exercise its influence upon a living organism,might not thought exercise an influence upon dead and inorganic things?Nay, without thought or conscious desire,might not things external to ourselves vibrate in unison with our moods and passions, atom calling to atom in secret love or strange affinity?But the reason was of no importance.He would never again tempt by a prayer any terrible power.If the picture was to alter, it was to alter.That was all. Why inquire too closely into it?
For there would be a real pleasure in watching it.He would be able to follow his mind into its secret places.This portrait would be to him the most magical of mirrors.As it had revealed to him his own body,so it would reveal to him his own soul.And when winter came upon it,he would still be standing where spring trembles on the verge of summer.When the blood crept from its face,and left behind a pallid mask of chalk with leaden eyes,he would keep the glamour of boyhood.Not one blossom of his loveliness would ever fade.Not one pulse of his life would ever weaken.Like the gods of the Greeks, he would be strong,and fleet, and joyous.What did it matter what happened to the coloured image on the canvas?He would be safe. That was everything.
He drew the screen back into its former place in front of the picture,smiling as he did so, and passed into his bedroom,where his valet was already waiting for him.An hour later he was at the opera,and Lord Henry was leaning over his chair.
CHAPTER IX.
As he was sitting at breakfast next morning,Basil Hallward was shown into the room.
“I am so glad I have found you, Dorian,” he said gravely. “I called last night,and they told me you were at the opera. Of course,I knew that was impossible.But I wish you had left word where you had really gone to.I passed a dreadful evening,half afraid that one tragedy might be followed by another.I think you might have telegraphed for me when you heard of it first.I read of it quite by chance in a late edition of _The Globe_ that I picked up at the club. I came here at once and was miserable at not finding you. I can’t tell you how heart-broken I am about the whole thing. I know what you must suffer. But where were you?Did you go down and see the girl’s mother?For a moment I thought of following you there.They gave the address in the paper.Somewhere in the Euston Road, isn’t it?But I was afraid of intruding upon a sorrow that I could not lighten. Poor woman!What a state she must be in!And her only child, too!What did she say about it all?”
“My dear Basil, how do I know?” murmured Dorian Gray,sipping some pale-yellow wine from a delicate,gold-beaded bubble of Venetian glass and looking dreadfully bored.“I was at the opera. You should have come on there.I met Lady Gwendolen, Harry’s sister,for the first time. We were in her box.She is perfectly charming; and Patti sang divinely.Don’t talk about horrid subjects.If one doesn’t talk about a thing,it has never happened. It is simply expression,as Harry says, that gives reality to things.I may mention that she was not the woman’s only child.There is a son, a charming fellow, I believe.But he is not on the stage. He is a sailor,or something. And now,tell me about yourself and what you are painting.”
“You went to the opera?” said Hallward, speaking very slowly and with a strained touch of pain in his voice. “You went to the opera while Sibyl Vane was lying dead in some sordid lodging?You can talk to me of other women being charming,and of Patti singing divinely,before the girl you loved has even the quiet of a grave to sleep in?Why, man, there are horrors in store for that little white body of hers!”
“Stop, Basil!I won’t hear it!” cried Dorian, leaping to his feet.“You must not tell me about things.What is done is done. What is past is past.”
“You call yesterday the past?”
“What has the actual lapse of time got to do with it?It is only shallow people who require years to get rid of an emotion.A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”