My first thought was one of great thankfulness that I had never breathed this last baffled hope to Joe. How often, while he was with me in my illness, had it risen to my lips!How irrevocable would have been his knowledge of it,if he had remained with me but another hour!
“Dear Biddy,” said I,“you have the best husband in the whole world,and if you could have seen him by my bed you would have—But no,you couldn’t love him better than you do.”
“No, I couldn’t indeed,” said Biddy.
“And, dear Joe, you have the best wife in the whole world,and she will make you as happy as even you deserve to be,you dear, good, noble Joe!”
Joe looked at me with a quivering lip,and fairly put his sleeve before his eyes.
“And Joe and Biddy both,as you have been to church to-day,and are in charity and love with all mankind,receive my humble thanks for all you have done for me,and all I have so ill repaid!And when I say that I am going away within the hour,for I am soon going abroad,and that I shall never rest until I have worked for the money with which you have kept me out of prison, and have sent it to you, don’t think, dear Joe and Biddy, that if I could repay it a thousand times over, I suppose I could cancel a farthing of the debt I owe you, or that I would do so if I could!”
They were both melted by these words,and both entreated me to say no more.
“But I must say more. Dear Joe,I hope you will have children to love,and that some little fellow will sit in this chimney-corner of a winter night,who may remind you of another little fellow gone out of it for ever.Don’t tell him, Joe, that I was thankless;don’t tell him, Biddy,that I was ungenerous and unjust;only tell him that I honoured you both,because you were both so good and true, and that,as your child, I said it would be natural to him to grow up a much better man than I did.”
“I ain’t a-going,” said Joe, from behind his sleeve,“to tell him nothink o’ that natur, Pip.Nor Biddy ain’t. Nor yet no one ain’t.”
“And now, though I know you have already done it in your own kind hearts,pray tell me, both, that you forgive me!Pray let me hear you say the words,that I may carry the sound of them away with me,and then I shall be able to believe that you can trust me,and think better of me, in the time to come!”
“O dear old Pip, old chap,” said Joe.“God knows as I forgive you,if I have anythink to forgive!”
“Amen!And God knows I do!” echoed Biddy.
“Now let me go up and look at my old little room,and rest there a few minutes by myself. And then,when I have eaten and drunk with you,go with me as far as the finger-post,dear Joe and Biddy, before we say good-bye!”
I sold all I had, and put aside as much as I could,for a composition with my creditors,—who gave me ample time to pay them in full,—and I went out and joined Herbert. Within a month,I had quitted England,and within two months I was clerk to Clarriker and Co.,and within four months I assumed my first undivided responsibility.For the beam across the parlour ceiling at Mill Pond Bank had then ceased to tremble under old Bill Barley’s growls and was at peace, and Herbert had gone away to marry Clara, and I was left in sole charge of the Eastern Branch until he brought her back.
Many a year went round before I was a partner in the House;but I lived happily with Herbert and his wife,and lived frugally, and paid my debts,and maintained a constant correspondence with Biddy and Joe.It was not until I became third in the Firm,that Clarriker betrayed me to Herbert;but he then declared that the secret of Herbert’s partnership had been long enough upon his conscience, and he must tell it. So he told it, and Herbert was as much moved as amazed, and the dear fellow and I were not the worse friends for the long concealment. I must not leave it to be supposed that we were ever a great House, or that we made mints of money. We were not in a grand way of business, but we had a good name, and worked for our profits, and did very well. We owed so much to Herbert’s ever cheerful industry and readiness, that I often wondered how I had conceived that old idea of his inaptitude, until I was one day enlightened by the reflection, that perhaps the inaptitude had never been in him at all, but had been in me.
Chapter LIX.
For eleven years, I had not seen Joe nor Biddy with my bodily eyes,—though they had both been often before my fancy in the East,—when, upon an evening in December,an hour or two after dark,I laid my hand softly on the latch of the old kitchen door.I touched it so softly that I was not heard,and looked in unseen. There,smoking his pipe in the old place by the kitchen firelight,as hale and as strong as ever, though a little grey,sat Joe; and there,fenced into the corner with Joe’s leg,and sitting on my own little stool looking at the fire, was—I again!
“We giv’ him the name of Pip for your sake,dear old chap,” said Joe, delighted,when I took another stool by the child’s side (but I did _not_ rumple his hair), “and we hoped he might grow a little bit like you, and we think he do.”
I thought so too, and I took him out for a walk next morning,and we talked immensely,understanding one another to perfection.And I took him down to the churchyard,and set him on a certain tombstone there,and he showed me from that elevation which stone was sacred to the memory of Philip Pirrip, late of this Parish, and Also Georgiana, Wife of the Above.
“Biddy,” said I, when I talked with her after dinner,as her little girl lay sleeping in her lap,“you must give Pip to me one of these days;or lend him, at all events.”
“No, no,” said Biddy, gently. “You must marry.”
“So Herbert and Clara say, but I don’t think I shall,Biddy. I have so settled down in their home,that it’s not at all likely.I am already quite an old bachelor.”
Biddy looked down at her child,and put its little hand to her lips,and then put the good matronly hand with which she had touched it into mine.There was something in the action,and in the light pressure of Biddy’s wedding-ring,that had a very pretty eloquence in it.
“Dear Pip,” said Biddy,“you are sure you don’t fret for her?”
“O no,—I think not, Biddy.”
“Tell me as an old, old friend.Have you quite forgotten her?
“My dear Biddy, I have forgotten nothing in my life that ever had a foremost place there, and little that ever had any place there. But that poor dream, as I once used to call it, has all gone by, Biddy,—all gone by!”
Nevertheless, I knew, while I said those words,that I secretly intended to revisit the site of the old house that evening,alone, for her sake. Yes, even so. For Estella’s sake.
I had heard of her as leading a most unhappy life,and as being separated from her husband,who had used her with great cruelty,and who had become quite renowned as a compound of pride,avarice, brutality, and meanness.And I had heard of the death of her husband,from an accident consequent on his ill-treatment of a horse.This release had befallen her some two years before;for anything I knew, she was married again.
The early dinner hour at Joe’s,left me abundance of time,without hurrying my talk with Biddy,to walk over to the old spot before dark. But,what with loitering on the way to look at old objects and to think of old times, the day had quite declined when I came to the place.
There was no house now, no brewery,no building whatever left,but the wall of the old garden.The cleared space had been enclosed with a rough fence,and looking over it,I saw that some of the old ivy had struck root anew,and was growing green on low quiet mounds of ruin.A gate in the fence standing ajar, I pushed it open, and went in.