One evening when the time was close at hand,I was alone with Peggotty and her brother.Our conversation turned on Ham.She described to us how tenderly he had taken leave of her,and how manfully and quietly he had borne himself.Most of all, of late,when she believed he was most tried.It was a subject of which the affectionate creature never tired;and our interest in hearing the many examples which she,who was so much with him, had to relate,was equal to hers in relating them.
My aunt and I were at that time vacating the two cottages at Highgate;I intending to go abroad,and she to return to her house at Dover.We had a temporary lodging in Covent Garden.As I walked home to it,after this evening’s conversation,reflecting on what had passed between Ham and myself when I was last at Yarmouth, I wavered in the original purpose I had formed, of leaving a letter for Emily when I should take leave of her uncle on board the ship, and thought it would be better to write to her now. She might desire, I thought, after receiving my communication, to send some parting word by me to her unhappy lover. I ought to give her the opportunity.
I therefore sat down in my room, before going to bed,and wrote to her. I told her that I had seen him,and that he had requested me to tell her what I have already written in its place in these sheets. I faithfully repeated it. I had no need to enlarge upon it, if I had had the right. Its deep fidelity and goodness were not to be adorned by me or any man. I left it out, to be sent round in the morning; with a line to Mr. Peggotty, requesting him to give it to her; and went to bed at daybreak.
I was weaker than I knew then; and,not falling asleep until the sun was up, lay late,and unrefreshed, next day.I was roused by the silent presence of my aunt at my bedside.I felt it in my sleep,as I suppose we all do feel such things.
‘Trot, my dear,’ she said, when I opened my eyes,‘I couldn’t make up my mind to disturb you. Mr.Peggotty is here; shall he come up?’
I replied yes, and he soon appeared.
‘Mas’r Davy,’ he said, when we had shaken hands,‘I giv Em’ly your letter, sir, and she writ this heer;and begged of me fur to ask you to read it,and if you see no hurt in’t,to be so kind as take charge on’t.’
‘Have you read it?’ said I.
He nodded sorrowfully. I opened it, and read as follows:
‘I have got your message. Oh, what can I write,to thank you for your good and blessed kindness to me!
‘I have put the words close to my heart.I shall keep them till I die. They are sharp thorns,but they are such comfort. I have prayed over them, oh,I have prayed so much. When I find what you are,and what uncle is, I think what God must be, and can cry to him.
‘Good-bye for ever. Now, my dear, my friend,good-bye for ever in this world. In another world,if I am forgiven, I may wake a child and come to you.All thanks and blessings. Farewell, evermore.’
This, blotted with tears, was the letter.
‘May I tell her as you doen’t see no hurt in’t,and as you’ll be so kind as take charge on’t, Mas’r Davy?’ said Mr. Peggotty, when I had read it.‘Unquestionably,’ said I--‘but I am thinking--’
‘Yes, Mas’r Davy?’
‘I am thinking,’ said I,‘that I’ll go down again to Yarmouth. There’s time,and to spare, for me to go and come back before the ship sails.My mind is constantly running on him, in his solitude;to put this letter of her writing in his hand at this time,and to enable you to tell her,in the moment of parting, that he has got it,will be a kindness to both of them.I solemnly accepted his commission, dear good fellow,and cannot discharge it too completely.The journey is nothing to me. I am restless,and shall be better in motion. I’ll go down tonight.’
Though he anxiously endeavoured to dissuade me,I saw that he was of my mind; and this,if I had required to be confirmed in my intention,would have had the effect.He went round to the coach office, at my request,and took the box-seat for me on the mail.In the evening I started, by that conveyance,down the road I had traversed under so many vicissitudes.
‘Don’t you think that,’ I asked the coachman,in the first stage out of London,‘a very remarkable sky?I don’t remember to have seen one like it.’
‘Nor I--not equal to it,’ he replied. ‘That’s wind, sir.There’ll be mischief done at sea, I expect, before long.’
It was a murky confusion--here and there blotted with a colour like the colour of the smoke from damp fuel--of flying clouds, tossed up into most remarkable heaps, suggesting greater heights in the clouds than there were depths below them to the bottom of the deepest hollows in the earth, through which the wild moon seemed to plunge headlong, as if, in a dread disturbance of the laws of nature, she had lost her way and were frightened. There had been a wind all day; and it was rising then, with an extraordinary great sound. In another hour it had much increased, and the sky was more overcast, and blew hard.
But, as the night advanced,the clouds closing in and densely over-spreading the whole sky,then very dark, it came on to blow, harder and harder.It still increased,until our horses could scarcely face the wind.Many times, in the dark part of the night (it was then late in September,when the nights were not short),the leaders turned about, or came to a dead stop;and we were often in serious apprehension that the coach would be blown over.Sweeping gusts of rain came up before this storm,like showers of steel; and, at those times,when there was any shelter of trees or lee walls to be got,we were fain to stop,in a sheer impossibility of continuing the struggle.
When the day broke, it blew harder and harder.I had been in Yarmouth when the seamen said it blew great guns,but I had never known the like of this,or anything approaching to it.We came to Ipswich--very late,having had to fight every inch of ground since we were ten miles out of London;and found a cluster of people in the market-place,who had risen from their beds in the night,fearful of falling chimneys. Some of these,congregating about the inn-yard while we changed horses,told us of great sheets of lead having been ripped off a high church-tower,and flung into a by-street, which they then blocked up.Others had to tell of country people,coming in from neighbouring villages,who had seen great trees lying torn out of the earth,and whole ricks scattered about the roads and fields.Still, there was no abatement in the storm, but it blew harder.
As we struggled on, nearer and nearer to the sea,from which this mighty wind was blowing dead on shore,its force became more and more terrific.Long before we saw the sea, its spray was on our lips,and showered salt rain upon us. The water was out,over miles and miles of the flat country adjacent to Yarmouth;and every sheet and puddle lashed its banks,and had its stress of little breakers setting heavily towards us.When we came within sight of the sea,the waves on the horizon,caught at intervals above the rolling abyss,were like glimpses of another shore with towers and buildings.When at last we got into the town,the people came out to their doors, all aslant,and with streaming hair,making a wonder of the mail that had come through such a night.
I put up at the old inn,and went down to look at the sea;staggering along the street,which was strewn with sand and seaweed,and with flying blotches of sea-foam;afraid of falling slates and tiles;and holding by people I met, at angry corners.Coming near the beach, I saw, not only the boatmen,but half the people of the town,lurking behind buildings; some,now and then braving the fury of the storm to look away to sea,and blown sheer out of their course in trying to get zigzag back.