“Arthur has just gone,and I feel in better spirits than when I left off,so I can go on telling you about the day. Well,my dear, number Two came after lunch.He is such a nice fellow, an American from Texas,and he looks so young and so fresh that it seems almost impossible that he has been to so many places and has had such adventures. I sympathise with poor Desdemona when she had such a dangerous stream poured in her ear, even by a black man. I suppose that we women are such cowards that we think a man will save us from fears, and we marry him. I know now what I would do if I were a man and wanted to make a girl love me. No, I don’t, for there was Mr. Morris telling us his stories, and Arthur never told any, and yet---- My dear, I am somewhat previous. Mr. Quincey P. Morris found me alone. It seems that a man always does find a girl alone. No, he doesn’t, for Arthur tried twice to _make_ a chance, and I helping him all I could; I am not ashamed to say it now. I must tell you beforehand that Mr. Morris doesn’t always speak slang--that is to say, he never does so to strangers or before them, for he is really well educated and has exquisite manners--but he found out that it amused me to hear him talk American slang, and whenever I was present, and there was no one to be shocked, he said such funny things. I am afraid, my dear, he has to invent it all, for it fits exactly into whatever else he has to say. But this is a way slang has. I do not know myself if I shall ever speak slang; I do not know if Arthur likes it, as I have never heard him use any as yet. Well, Mr. Morris sat down beside me and looked as happy and jolly as he could, but I could see all the same that he was very nervous. He took my hand in his, and said ever so sweetly:--
“‘Miss Lucy, I know I ain’t good enough to regulate the fixin’s of your little shoes, but I guess if you wait till you find a man that is you will go join them seven young women with the lamps when you quit. Won’t you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?’
“Well, he did look so good-humoured and so jolly that it didn’t seem half so hard to refuse him as it did poor Dr. Seward; so I said, as lightly as I could, that I did not know anything of hitching, and that I wasn’t broken to harness at all yet. Then he said that he had spoken in a light manner, and he hoped that if he had made a mistake in doing so on so grave, so momentous, an occasion for him, I would forgive him. He really did look serious when he was saying it, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit serious too--I know, Mina, you will think me a horrid flirt--though I couldn’t help feeling a sort of exultation that he was number two in one day. And then, my dear, before I could say a word he began pouring out a perfect torrent of love-making, laying his very heart and soul at my feet. He looked so earnest over it that I shall never again think that a man must be playful always, and never earnest, because he is merry at times. I suppose he saw something in my face which checked him, for he suddenly stopped, and said with a sort of manly fervour that I could have loved him for if I had been free:--
“‘Lucy, you are an honest-hearted girl, I know.I should not be here speaking to you as I am now if I did not believe you clean grit, right through to the very depths of your soul. Tell me, like one good fellow to another, is there any one else that you care for?And if there is I’ll never trouble you a hair’s breadth again,but will be, if you will let me,a very faithful friend.’
“My dear Mina, why are men so noble when we women are so little worthy of them?Here was I almost making fun of this great-hearted,true gentleman. I burst into tears--I am afraid,my dear, you will think this a very sloppy letter in more ways than one--and I really felt very badly. Why can’t they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her, and save all this trouble?But this is heresy, and I must not say it.I am glad to say that, though I was crying,I was able to look into Mr. Morris’s brave eyes,and I told him out straight:--
“‘Yes, there is some one I love,though he has not told me yet that he even loves me.’ I was right to speak to him so frankly,for quite a light came into his face,and he put out both his hands and took mine--I think I put them into his--and said in a hearty way:--
“‘That’s my brave girl.It’s better worth being late for a chance of winning you than being in time for any other girl in the world. Don’t cry, my dear. If it’s for me, I’m a hard nut to crack; and I take it standing up. If that other fellow doesn’t know his happiness, well, he’d better look for it soon, or he’ll have to deal with me. Little girl, your honesty and pluck have made me a friend, and that’s rarer than a lover; it’s more unselfish anyhow. My dear, I’m going to have a pretty lonely walk between this and Kingdom Come. Won’t you give me one kiss?It’ll be something to keep off the darkness now and then.You can, you know, if you like,for that other good fellow--he must be a good fellow,my dear, and a fine fellow,or you could not love him--hasn’t spoken yet.’ That quite won me, Mina,for it _was_ brave and sweet of him, and noble, too,to a rival--wasn’t it?--and he so sad; so I leant over and kissed him.He stood up with my two hands in his,and as he looked down into my face--I am afraid I was blushing very much--he said:--
“‘Little girl, I hold your hand, and you’ve kissed me,and if these things don’t make us friends nothing ever will.Thank you for your sweet honesty to me, and good-bye.’ He wrung my hand, and taking up his hat,went straight out of the room without looking back,without a tear or a quiver or a pause;and I am crying like a baby. Oh,why must a man like that be made unhappy when there are lots of girls about who would worship the very ground he trod on?I know I would if I were free--only I don’t want to be free.My dear, this quite upset me,and I feel I cannot write of happiness just at once,after telling you of it;and I don’t wish to tell of the number three until it can be all happy.
“Ever your loving
“LUCY.
“P.S.--Oh, about number Three--I needn’t tell you of number Three, need I?Besides, it was all so confused;it seemed only a moment from his coming into the room till both his arms were round me, and he was kissing me. I am very, very happy, and I don’t know what I have done to deserve it. I must only try in the future to show that I am not ungrateful to God for all His goodness to me in sending to me such a lover, such a husband, and such a friend.
“Good-bye.”
_Dr. Seward’s Diary._
(Kept in phonograph)
_25 May._--Ebb tide in appetite to-day. Cannot eat,cannot rest, so diary instead.Since my rebuff of yesterday I have a sort of empty feeling;nothing in the world seems of sufficient importance to be worth the doing....As I knew that the only cure for this sort of thing was work,I went down amongst the patients.I picked out one who has afforded me a study of much interest.He is so quaint that I am determined to understand him as well as I can.To-day I seemed to get nearer than ever before to the heart of his mystery.
I questioned him more fully than I had ever done,with a view to making myself master of the facts of his hallucination.In my manner of doing it there was, I now see,something of cruelty.I seemed to wish to keep him to the point of his madness--a thing which I avoid with the patients as I would the mouth of hell.
(_Mem._, under what circumstances would I _not_ avoid the pit of hell?) _Omnia Romæ venalia sunt._ Hell has its price!_verb. sap._ If there be anything behind this instinct it will be valuable to trace it afterwards _accurately_, so I had better commence to do so, therefore--