ADDRESS BY TOAD. SYNOPSIS--Our Prison System--the Waterways of Old England--Horse-dealing, and how to deal--Property, its rights and its duties--Back to the Land--A Typical English Squire.
SONG BY TOAD. (_Composed by himself._)
OTHER COMPOSITIONS BY TOAD will be sung in the course of the evening by the COMPOSER.
The idea pleased him mightily,and he worked very hard and got all the letters finished by noon,at which hour it was reported to him that there was a small and rather bedraggled weasel at the door, inquiring timidly whether he could be of any service to the gentleman. Toad swaggered out and found it was one of the prisoners of the previous evening, very respectful and anxious to please. He patted him on the head, shoved the bundle of invitations into his paw, and told him to cut along quick and deliver them as fast as he could, and if he liked to come back again in the evening, perhaps there might be a shilling for him, or, again, perhaps there mightn't; and the poor weasel seemed really quite grateful, and hurried off eagerly to do his mission.
When the other animals came back to luncheon,very boisterous and breezy after a morning on the river,the Mole, whose conscience had been pricking him,looked doubtfully at Toad,expecting to find him sulky or depressed. Instead,he was so uppish and inflated that the Mole began to suspect something;while the Rat and the Badger exchanged significant glances.
As soon as the meal was over,Toad thrust his paws deep into his trouser-pockets,remarked casually, "Well, look after yourselves, you fellows!Ask for anything you want!" and was swaggering off in the direction of the garden,where he wanted to think out an idea or two for his coming speeches,when the Rat caught him by the arm.
Toad rather suspected what he was after,and did his best to get away;but when the Badger took him firmly by the other arm he began to see that the game was up. The two animals conducted him between them into the small smoking-room that opened out of the entrance-hall, shut the door, and put him into a chair. Then they both stood in front of him, while Toad sat silent and regarded them with much suspicion and ill-humour.
"Now, look here, Toad," said the Rat."It's about this Banquet,and very sorry I am to have to speak to you like this.But we want you to understand clearly,once and for all, that there are going to be no speeches and no songs.Try and grasp the fact that on this occasion we're not arguing with you;we're just telling you."
Toad saw that he was trapped. They understood him,they saw through him, they had got ahead of him.His pleasant dream was shattered.
"Mayn't I sing them just one _little_ song?" he pleaded piteously.
"No, not _one_ little song," replied the Rat firmly,though his heart bled as he noticed the trembling lip of the poor disappointed Toad."It's no good, Toady; you know well that your songs are all conceit and boasting and vanity; and your speeches are all self-praise and--and--well, and gross exaggeration and--and--"
"And gas," put in the Badger, in his common way.
"It's for your own good, Toady," went on the Rat."You know you _must_ turn over a new leaf sooner or later,and now seems a splendid time to begin;a sort of turning-point in your career.Please don't think that saying all this doesn't hurt me more than it hurts you. "
Toad remained a long while plunged in thought.At last he raised his head,and the traces of strong emotion were visible on his features."You have conquered, my friends," he said in broken accents. "It was, to be sure,but a small thing that I asked--merely leave to blossom and expand for yet one more evening, to let myself go and hear the tumultuous applause that always seems to me--somehow--to bring out my best qualities. However, you are right, I know, and I am wrong. Henceforth I will be a very different Toad. My friends, you shall never have occasion to blush for me again. But, O dear, O dear, this is a hard world!"
And, pressing his handkerchief to his face,he left the room, with faltering footsteps.
"Badger," said the Rat, "I feel like a brute;I wonder what _you_ feel like?"
"O, I know, I know," said the Badger gloomily."But the thing had to be done.This good fellow has got to live here,and hold his own, and be respected.Would you have him a common laughing-stock,mocked and jeered at by stoats and weasels?"
"Of course not," said the Rat. "And, talking of weasels,it's lucky we came upon that little weasel,just as he was setting out with Toad's invitations.I suspected something from what you told me,and had a look at one or two;they were simply disgraceful. I confiscated the lot,and the good Mole is now sitting in the blue _boudoir_,filling up plain, simple invitation cards."
* * * * *
At last the hour for the banquet began to draw near,and Toad, who on leaving the others had retired to his bedroom,was still sitting there, melancholy and thoughtful.His brow resting on his paw,he pondered long and deeply.Gradually his countenance cleared,and he began to smile long, slow smiles.Then he took to giggling in a shy,self-conscious manner. At last he got up,locked the door, drew the curtains across the windows,collected all the chairs in the room and arranged them in a semicircle,and took up his position in front of them,swelling visibly. Then he bowed, coughed twice, and,letting himself go, with uplifted voice he sang,to the enraptured audience that his imagination so clearly saw:
TOAD'S LAST LITTLE SONG
The Toad--came--home!There was panic in the parlours and howling in the halls,There was crying in the cow-sheds and shrieking in the stalls,When the Toad--came--home!
When the Toad--came--home!There was smashing in of window and crashing in of door,There was chivvying of weasels that fainted on the floor,When the Toad--came--home!