With her eyes on her work Jo answered soberly,“I want something new.I feel restless and anxious to be seeing, doing,and learning more than I am.I brood too much over my own small affairs,and need stirring up,so as I can be spared this winter,I’d like to hop a little way and try my wings.”
“Where will you hop?”
“To New York. I had a bright idea yesterday,and this is it. You know Mrs.Kirke wrote to you for some respectable young person to teach her children and sew. It’s rather hard to find just the thing, but I think I should suit if I tried.”
“My dear, go out to service in that great boarding house!” and Mrs. March looked surprised, but not displeased.
“It’s not exactly going out to service, for Mrs.Kirke is your friend—the kindest soul that ever lived—and would make things pleasant for me, I know. Her family is separate from the rest, and no one knows me there. Don’t care if they do. It’s honest work, and I’m not ashamed of it.”
“Nor I. But your writing?”
“All the better for the change.I shall see and hear new things, get new ideas,and even if I haven’t much time there,I shall bring home quantities of material for my rubbish. ”
“I have no doubt of it,but are these your only reasons for this sudden fancy?”
“No, Mother.”
“May I know the others?”
Jo looked up and Jo looked down, then said slowly,with sudden color in her cheeks.“It may be vain and wrong to say it,but—I’m afraid—Laurie is getting too fond of me.”
“Then you don’t care for him in the way it is evident he begins to care for you?” and Mrs. March looked anxious as she put the question.
“Mercy, no!I love the dear boy, as I always have,and am immensely proud of him,but as for anything more, it’s out of the question.”
“I’m glad of that, Jo.”
“Why, please?”
“Because, dear, I don’t think you suited to one another.As friends you are very happy,and your frequent quarrels soon blow over,but I fear you would both rebel if you were mated for life.You are too much alike and too fond of freedom,not to mention hot tempers and strong wills,to get on happily together,in a relation which needs infinite patience and forbearance, as well as love.”
“That’s just the feeling I had,though I couldn’t express it.I’m glad you think he is only beginning to care for me.It would trouble me sadly to make him unhappy,for I couldn’t fall in love with the dear old fellow merely out of gratitude, could I?”
“You are sure of his feeling for you?”
The color deepened in Jo’s cheeks as she answered,with the look of mingled pleasure, pride,and pain which young girls wear when speaking of first lovers,“I’m afraid it is so, Mother. He hasn’t said anything,but he looks a great deal.I think I had better go away before it comes to anything. ”
“I agree with you, and if it can be managed you shall go. ”
Jo looked relieved, and after a pause, said, smiling,“How Mrs. Moffat would wonder at your want of management,if she knew, and how she will rejoice that Annie may still hope. ”
“Ah, Jo, mothers may differ in their management,but the hope is the same in all—the desire to see their children happy.Meg is so, and I am content with her success.You I leave to enjoy your liberty till you tire of it,for only then will you find that there is something sweeter.Amy is my chief care now,but her good sense will help her. For Beth,I indulge no hopes except that she may be well.By the way, she seems brighter this last day or two.Have you spoken to her?’
“Yes, she owned she had a trouble,and promised to tell me by-and-by. I said no more,for I think I know it,” and Jo told her little story.
Mrs. March shook her head,and did not take so romantic a view of the case,but looked grave, and repeated her opinion that for Laurie’s sake Jo should go away for a time.
“Let us say nothing about it to him till the plan is settled,then I’ll run away before he can collect his wits and be tragic.Beth must think I’m going to please myself, as I am,for I can’t talk about Laurie to her.But she can pet and comfort him after I’m gone,and so cure him of this romantic notion.He’s been through so many little trials of the sort,he’s used to it, and will soon get over his lovelornity. ”
Jo spoke hopefully, but could not rid herself of the foreboding fear that this ‘little trial’ would be harder than the others, and that Laurie would not get over his ‘lovelornity’ as easily as heretofore.
The plan was talked over in a family council and agreed upon,for Mrs. Kirke gladly accepted Jo,and promised to make a pleasant home for her.The teaching would render her independent,and such leisure as she got might be made profitable by writing,while the new scenes and society would be both useful and agreeable.Jo liked the prospect and was eager to be gone,for the home nest was growing too narrow for her restless nature and adventurous spirit. When all was settled, with fear and trembling she told Laurie, but to her surprise he took it very quietly. He had been graver than usual of late, but very pleasant, and when jokingly accused of turning over a new leaf, he answered soberly, “So I am, and I mean this one shall stay turned.”
Jo was very much relieved that one of his virtuous fits should come on just then, and made her preparations with a lightened heart, for Beth seemed more cheerful, and hoped she was doing the best for all.
“One thing I leave in your especial care,” she said,the night before she left.
“You mean your papers?” asked Beth.
“No, my boy. Be very good to him, won’t you?”
“Of course I will, but I can’t fill your place,and he’ll miss you sadly.”
“It won’t hurt him, so remember,I leave him in your charge, to plague, pet, and keep in order.”
“I’ll do my best, for your sake,” promised Beth,wondering why Jo looked at her so queerly.
When Laurie said good-by, he whispered significantly,“It won’t do a bit of good, Jo. My eye is on you,so mind what you do, or I’ll come and bring you home.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE JO’S JOURNAL
New York, November
Dear Marmee and Beth,
I’m going to write you a regular volume,for I’ve got heaps to tell,though I’m not a fine young lady traveling on the continent.When I lost sight of Father’s dear old face,I felt a trifle blue,and might have shed a briny drop or two,if an Irish lady with four small children,all crying more or less, hadn’t diverted my mind,for I amused myself by dropping gingerbread nuts over the seat every time they opened their mouths to roar.
Soon the sun came out, and taking it as a good omen,I cleared up likewise and enjoyed my journey with all my heart.
Mrs. Kirke welcomed me so kindly I felt at home at once,even in that big house full of strangers.She gave me a funny little sky parlor—all she had,but there is a stove in it,and a nice table in a sunny window,so I can sit here and write whenever I like.A fine view and a church tower opposite atone for the many stairs,and I took a fancy to my den on the spot. The nursery,where I am to teach and sew,is a pleasant room next Mrs. Kirke’s private parlor,and the two little girls are pretty children,rather spoiled, I fancy,but they took to me after telling them The Seven Bad Pigs,and I’ve no doubt I shall make a model governess.
I am to have my meals with the children,if I prefer it to the great table,and for the present I do, for I am bashful,though no one will believe it.