“And of your infliction,” cried Elizabeth, with energy;“You have reduced him to his present state of poverty--comparative poverty.You have withheld the advantages which you must know to have been designed for him. You have deprived the best years of his life of that independence which was no less his due than his desert. You have done all this!and yet you can treat the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule. ”
“And this,” cried Darcy,as he walked with quick steps across the room,“is your opinion of me!This is the estimation in which you hold me!I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults,according to this calculation, are heavy indeed!But, perhaps,” added he, stopping in his walk,and turning towards her,“these offences might have been overlooked,had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I, with greater policy, concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by reflection, by everything. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections?--to congratulate myself on the hope of relations whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?”
Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment;yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she said, --
“You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy,if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.”
She saw him start at this; but he said nothing,and she continued,--
“You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it.”
Again his astonishment was obvious;and he looked at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. She went on,--
“From the very beginning, from the first moment,I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you,your manners impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance,your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others,were such as to form that groundwork of disapprobation,on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike;and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.”
“You have said quite enough, madam.I perfectly comprehend your feelings,and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been.Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time,and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness. ”
And with these words he hastily left the room,and Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.The tumult of her mind was now painfully great.She knew not how to support herself, and,from actual weakness,sat down and cried for half an hour. Her astonishment,as she reflected on what had passed,was increased by every review of it.That she should receive an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy!that he should have been in love with her for so many months!so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made him prevent his friend’s marrying her sister, and which must appear at least with equal force in his own case, was almost incredible!it was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an affection.But his pride, his abominable pride,his shameless avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane,his unpardonable assurance in acknowledging,though he could not justify it,and the unfeeling manner which he had mentioned Mr.Wickham, his cruelty towards whom he had not attempted to deny,soon overcame the pity which the consideration of his attachment had for a moment excited.
She continued in very agitating reflections till the sound of Lady Catherine’s carriage made her feel how unequal she was to encounter Charlotte’s observation, and hurried her away to her room.
[Illustration:
“Hearing herself called” ]
CHAPTER XXXV.
[Illustration]
Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and meditations which had at length closed her eyes. She could not yet recover from the surprise of what had happened: it was impossible to think of anything else; and, totally indisposed for employment, she resolved soon after breakfast to indulge herself in air and exercise. She was proceeding directly to her favourite walk, when the recollection of Mr. Darcy’s sometimes coming there stopped her, and instead of entering the park, she turned up the lane which led her farther from the turnpike road. The park paling was still the boundary on one side, and she soon passed one of the gates into the ground.
After walking two or three times along that part of the lane,she was tempted, by the pleasantness of the morning,to stop at the gates and look into the park.The five weeks which she had now passed in Kent had made a great difference in the country, and every day was adding to the verdure of the early trees. She was on the point of continuing her walk, when she caught a glimpse of a gentleman within the sort of grove which edged the park: he was moving that way; and fearful of its being Mr. Darcy, she was directly retreating. But the person who advanced was now near enough to see her, and stepping forward with eagerness, pronounced her name. She had turned away; but on hearing herself called, though in a voice which proved it to be Mr. Darcy, she moved again towards the gate. He had by that time reached it also; and, holding out a letter, which she instinctively took, said, with a look of haughty composure, “I have been walking in the grove some time, in the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?” and then, with a slight bow,turned again into the plantation,and was soon out of sight.
With no expectation of pleasure,but with the strongest curiosity,Elizabeth opened the letter,and to her still increasing wonder,perceived an envelope containing two sheets of letter paper,written quite through, in a very close hand.The envelope itself was likewise full.Pursuing her way along the lane, she then began it.It was dated from Rosings,at eight o’clock in the morning, and was as follows:--
“Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter,by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments,or renewal of those offers,which were last night so disgusting to you.I write without any intention of paining you,or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which,for the happiness of both,cannot be too soon forgotten;and the effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion, should have been spared, had not my character required it to be written and read. You must, therefore, pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it unwillingly, but I demand it of your justice.